Humiliated
and ridiculed publically by her younger brother who banned her from speaking to
the boy she was talking to alone in school, Najla soon realized that she had no
say in her own decisions whatsoever and that the men in the house have the
power to manipulate her life whichever way they please (Daouk 88). Sexism has
always existed, more evidently in the past compared to now. However, the Arab
world seems to be lagging in the evolution directed towards gender equality. In
Lebanon, one of the vital ways sexism is highlighted in, is in the issue of
premarital sex. Women are discriminated against and are ridiculed whereas men
are applauded and patted on the back in regards to this controversial topic.
Sex. The simple act of saying the word
within the vicinity of Lebanese people causes elders to frown, women to turn
crimson, men to flex their muscles, girls to giggle, and boys to smile
mischievously. According to Edward Said, who was a Palestinian–American professor of English and Comparative Literature at
Columbia University and a founder of the field of post-colonialism, states in
his book “Orientalism” that the West has conveyed the Arab woman as a worthless
and sensual being in her culture who was only created to be dominated by a male
and to fulfill his every fantasy since she is "stupid" and
"willing" (Simon 23).
Men and women are
creatures of the same species. Hence, they both share the same needs that
include: eating, hydrating, waste expulsion, and even sex. In this case, why
should women be forced to ignore one of their needs? The one aspect that
differentiates the genders in this controversial topic and which binds women to
an unjustified social norm is the fact that women have an inaccurate
body part (the hymen) that holds them back. According to the gynecologist Randa
Abu Zarour, women either have a normal, inexistent, or elastic hymen (Husseini
59). The unpredictability of this organ’s characteristics increases the
possibility of the female being pointlessly humiliated and ostracized. Some
women who are engaged to be married to a man who doesn’t know that they are
sexually experienced, often undergo a hymen reconstruction surgery to fend off
all the unwanted ridicule and disrespect.
Women should
have the right to speak their minds and to make their own decisions without the
fear of tarnishing their own reputations. They are not puppets that sit idly
by, waiting to be controlled and manipulated whichever way men please. They are
people with desires, ambitions, wants, and needs, just like men. Viewing sex as
a typical aspect of human life instead of a taboo, in my opinion, will lead to
sex education in schools. Teenagers would learn all the contraceptive methods
to diminish the risk of pregnancy. If people were to consider females engaging
in premarital sex as a personal decision rather than a prohibited action, then,
other women’s rights will fall into practice such as the right for a mother to
give her child her Lebanese nationality.
Marie-Thérèse
Khair Badawi, who is a professor, research director, clinical psychologist, and
psychoanalyst, compared married and single women who engage in sexual
relationships. Her studies indicate that unmarried women lead a more
satisfactory sexual life than married women who hadn’t engaged in premarital
sex. 68.7% of married women, who were virgins up until their wedding night,
perceive virginity as an important virtue that must be respected (Badawi 63).
Most of them aren’t satisfied sexually because they aren’t daring and because
their partners tend to steer the sexual relationship whichever way they please
and gradually lessen their concern with their wives’ sexual pleasure (Badawi
63). Whereas, an unmarried sexually active female grows more daring with age
and develops knowledge of what satisfies her and also often engages in sexual
relations with various men and is then able to distinguish her compatible
partner; hence, she is able to lead a happier more satisfied lifestyle (Badawi 63).
It is
interesting to see that most women who had lost their virginity before marriage
have married the man they had had sexual relations with. In a survey conducted
by the American University of Beirut Medical Center, 72.4% of the Christian men
and 45.8% of the Muslim men who participated in the poll said that they would
marry a non-virgin (Information International 4)
On an
interesting note, only 27.3% of the females who participated in the survey
accepted premarital sex (Information International 2). Does this small
percentage indicate that women are originally unaccepting or does it indicate
that they were nurtured to be accepting of the tradition?
Women are not
beneath men neither are they above them. Women, like men, deserve to experience
life whichever way they please. Being able to do so means that they should also
have to face the same consequences that men do with no exemptions. We only ask
to be your equals, nothing more and nothing less.
Works Cited
Daouk, Sarah Amine. "Sexuality Among Young Women in Lebanon:
Constructing Meaningful Sexual Identities." Sexuality Among Young
Women in Lebanon (2006) American University of Beirut. Web. 9
Nov 2012. <https://scholarworks.aub.edu.lb/bitstream/handle/10938/7151/t-4770.pdf?sequence=1>.
Husseini, Rana. "Let's Talk About Virginity." Al-Raida: Sexuality and Arab Women. Volume XX. No. 99. Fall 2002/2003: n. page. Web. 5 Nov. 2012.
<http://inhouse.lau.edu.lb/iwsaw/raida099/EN/p59-67.pdf>.
Information International, “Outing the Sexual Taboo”.
Survey. 19-21 Nov. 2003. Web. 3 Nov. 2012. <http://www.information-international.com/pdf/sexuality-issues_nov03-en.pdf>.
Khair Badawi,
Marie-Thérèse. "“Le désir amputé, sexual experience of Lebanese women”*:
Fifteen years later.." Al-Raida: Sexuality and Arab Women. Volume XX. No. 99. Fall 2002/2003: 61-67. Web. 9 Nov. 2012. <inhouse.lau.edu.lb/iwsaw/raida099/EN/p59-67.pdf>.
Simmons, Hazel.
"Orientalism and Representation of Muslim Women as “Sexual Objects”." Al-Raida: Sexuality and Arab Women. Volume XX. No. 99. Fall 2002/2003: 23-29. Web. 9 Nov. 2012.
<http://inhouse.lau.edu.lb/iwsaw/raida099/EN/p23-32.pdf>.
